To listen to the voice file recorded by the author, you need to scan it through the QR code APP:

▲I scanned with this APP.

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Thinking back, have you ever been in a situation where

you have to finish a report the next day, but your head goes blank and you keep trying to find something else to do, but you just can't face reality? When you turn on the laptop, but uncontrollably open the browser to watch FB, or you will suddenly start to clean up the desktop and organize the environment, and you know in your heart that this will not help your work progress , but will increase your lag. Anxiety, your mind has trouble focusing, your thoughts are very confused….

Book I want to share today: Getting Out of Relationship Anxiety: 18 Inner Reconciliation Lessons from Your Negative Self

This is an exit guide about the psychological labyrinth. It guides readers to understand the nature of their anxiety from different perspectives. By understanding the emotional wound, they can heal the pain, and then understand, let go, and even be fortunate enough to finally embrace their anxiety.

The author, Wu Peiying, is a counseling psychologist, a corporate lecturer, and has an international MBTI surveyor certificate. He is good at integrating psychology into life and business management, and is committed to promoting psychological, emotional and family education, and is looking forward to helping everyone establish the concept of mental health. Currently, a series of physical workshops are offered in Aixin, and many online to help the public learn and explore psychology in many ways.

The author has specially collected 10 emotional guidance audios . When you are upset, just scan the QR code in the book to listen to the voice file recorded by the author, and calm down to "listen" to your true heart. , more and more calm.

To listen to the voice file recorded by the author, you need to scan it through the QR code APP:

▲I scanned with this APP.

If you are an ios user, you can turn on the built-in camera scan.

1. Open the QR code APP on your mobile phone and scan the QR code

2. Open the webpage after decoding is complete

3. Listen to the audio file recorded by the author

Notes: What is anxiety?

Anxiety is related to external stress and personal vulnerability. External stress can be a tiring and overwhelmed situation in the interaction between people and the environment. The difference in feeling is related to heredity and learning experience.

Sometimes the most annoying thing about anxiety is that it is easy to feel that "time is not known where it is spent", because anxiety will occupy our cognitive space and squeeze people's ability to think normally. In fact, this is also a state of physical and mental separation. The behavior that manifests is "you are here, but your heart is not here", making it impossible for body and mind to coexist harmoniously and be in the present moment.

British pastor Charles Haddon Spurgeon once said:

"Anxiety cannot overwhelm tomorrow's worries, it can only destroy today's power"

Continued anxiety will form toxic anxiety , which can be divided into two types, one is " extreme anxiety" , which makes you hide in the shell like a shrinking turtle when you encounter new situations and changes; the other is "extreme anxiety". It's " long-term anxiety" that makes you feel terrified and clueless when you face a little challenge every day.

Anxiety common in life

▍Envy and jealousy

People who love jealousy and envy are usually full of anxiety, because these two emotions are derived from uncertainty about yourself. When you often feel that you are insufficient, you often see everything that others have, but you are envious of others. At the same time, they do not necessarily carefully examine whether what others have is what they want.

Because you can't see everything you have, and of course you don't realize that the things you take for granted may also be what others want to have.

In the face of "Envy and Jealousy" the author suggests:

When you can't help but start to be jealous and envious of others, you can help yourself to put your eyes back on yourself and pick three things you like about yourself .

for example:

1. You are serious about a project

2. You serve your customers with your heart

3. You are willing to improve your inner and professional skills, etc.

These are all things that you should look at yourself and praise yourself. You don’t need to wait for others to envy you before these actions are considered to exist.

▲ When you are at work, it is also your advantage to carry out a project seriously and to make the client feel very satisfied.

▍Toxic emotions

When you are envious of others, people who are accustomed to smearing their emotions will start to criticize themselves: "Why are you envious of others, this is very bad, you should know what to do", suppressing emotions through insults will make the original pure Emotions, dyed in disgusting colors.

The habit of smearing emotions is often learned . It may be dangerous to learn that emotions are in your growing environment. Your family asks you to deal with emotions before expressing them, but they do not guide you on how to face and vent. Emotions, this habit magnifies and darkens existing emotions, thus making you feel more anxious.

In the face of "Toxic Emotions," the authors suggest:

1. Find someone who can understand you

But you need to help yourself realize that you want others to discuss your emotions and feelings with you, not to ask them to rescue you or try to throw your emotions on others.

2. Watch your attitude towards your emotions

Stop blaming and disgusting your emotions, and look at yourself with neutral and peaceful eyes.

3. Let your emotions have an outlet

By writing emotions and drawing pictures of them, you can make your emotions into works. When you turn your emotions into works step by step , you are actually gradually understanding and accepting emotions. You will gradually feel that you have a lot of space in your heart . And feel relieved.

▍The reason why you can’t stop worrying about identity addiction

may be because you have never identified yourself stably and constantly yearn for the approval of others, but your inner identity cannot be saved in the bank. It’s like a hole that is filled at once. It didn't take long for others to give him a sense of approval.

Author proposes five high-risk groups for "identity addiction"

1. A family where men are superior to women

2. Have overly good siblings

3. People who have been excluded or bullied

4. A harsh and unsupportive upbringing

5. A dysfunctional family

In the face of "identity addiction", the authors suggest:

1. Acknowledge the pain and the void

When the hurt feelings are acknowledged by yourself, you will have the opportunity to be healed and unloaded, so you can make a story of the hurt for yourself and examine your inner emptiness and sense of emptiness.

2. Release calm emotions

Find someone you can trust and understand, talk about the pain you've seen, and when your pain is witnessed , you will gradually feel relieved.

3. Re-understanding parents

When your inner self is released, you will be able to truly appreciate the wounds deep in your heart, and will be able to understand the wounds of others , will be able to understand their neglect and neglect, and see their limitations.

4. Be your own inner parent

Give yourself the strength of gentleness and firmness, words of warmth and support, and treat yourself well in the way you have always wanted to be treated the most.

relationship anxiety

Are you someone who is easily blackmailed?

The book explains 10 common relationship anxiety in life, namely :

"Family Anxiety, Love Anxiety, Dating Anxiety, Emotion Anxiety, Interpersonal Anxiety, Authority Anxiety, Image Anxiety, Competitive Anxiety, Procrastination Anxiety, Death Anxiety "

The article will give examples of two common relationship anxiety, namely: "family anxiety" and "interpersonal anxiety".

▍ Family Anxiety

When you get caught up in a complicated family relationship, it can make you vulnerable to the pain of emotional blackmail.

The author exemplifies the typical family anxiety here . The emotionally depressed mother has a desire to control, which will limit the child's growth of self and cannot have his own thoughts and opinions. In order to obtain the mother's approval or maintain the harmony will obey Because of this limited upbringing, I gradually forget my inner voice.

When your boundaries are violated, you actually know in your heart that your anxiety is: you know that your thoughts and actions are different from what others expected, but you don’t necessarily want to follow other people’s thoughts, youwant to follow youryour own, but you are not confident enough to be sure of your current state.

In the face of "family anxiety", the author suggests:

Reject the unreasonable demands of the other party, but still keep in touch, and continue to pass on your care , even if it may be exchanged for the other party's cold treatment, but remember this cold treatment relationship model, a method used by relatives to control, know You may succumb ; the other is that the other person is still digesting the disappointment and anger brought about by the relationship transition.

When you take this level of understanding and slow down your steps, you don’t ask the other party to immediately adapt to the relationship change, but instead ask yourself to adapt to the discomfort caused by the relationship change process, adjust your mentality, and one day you will find that cold treatment The way can no longer change you, and the other party must adjust his posture in the relationship to learn to adapt to the changes in the relationship.

｜Emotional Guidance Audio｜Scan the QR code in the book to listen to
the “Emotional Boundary Setting” exercise: take care of your own feelings, and let go of responsibilities that have nothing to do with yourself.

▍Interpersonal anxiety

Do you often worry in groups that you are not liked by your peers? The instability of interpersonal relationships is often related to the instability of the individual's ego, which can lead to three situations of interpersonal interaction:

wrong interpersonal perception

1. Have preconceived notions

Projecting subjective thoughts onto others, believing that the other person is such a person.

2. Projection

Attributing one's own characteristics to others, assuming that others are the same as oneself, and judging others from one's own perspective, for example: a person who is very narcissistic towards himself, sees others smiling at him, and thinks that the other person has a good impression of him .

3. Emotional effects

The current emotional state or a specific state of mind makes you look at people with colored glasses, so that the people and things you see are dyed with your current emotional color.

Lack of interpersonal verification

Sometimes it makes you feel that you don't know how to say, what to say, or you are not sure if you can say it, and you are afraid that you will be hated if you say it. This is the lack of interpersonal verification ability.

Excessive seeking of approval from others

I want to show my goodness and my own strengths too much, but I don't have my own opinion, I hope to get the affirmation and appreciation .

In the face of "interpersonal anxiety", the authors suggest:

Sincere friendship often comes from "feelings from the heart", there is no connection and often only superficial social interaction. In the end, you have to practice reconciliation with yourself, not setback this interpersonal relationship. Once again, your experience with others becomes a source of anxiety in your interactions with others. You need to understand your own lack of belonging and connection, so that you can truly learn from interpersonal experiences how to improve yourself, and properly connect with others and maintain relationships.

｜Emotional Guidance Audio｜Scan the QR code in the book to listen to
the "voice for yourself" exercise: release emotions and regain strength.

How to distance yourself from anxiety

▍Writing

The writing method is also called "free writing" or "mind writing". As long as you pick up a notebook, you can do it yourself, but need to grasp a few principles:

1. Don't stop

2. Don't change

3. Don't worry

4. Don't think

5. Don't filter

To put it simply, don’t worry too much about social values, frameworks and other norms, and don’t criticize what you have written. When you write freely, you can awaken the inner world and suppressed voices, and naturally strengthen your own stability.

▍Frame transfer method

The frame transfer method is also known as the psychological displacement method. Its characteristic is that in the diary writing, three different personal pronouns " I, you, and him " are used to describe the same event as the subject, so as to achieve a different perspective. The purpose of examining and being aware of emotions.

The "I" personality has the highest negative emotions, which can easily make you fall into difficulties and cannot move, and it is easy to fall into self-criticism and condemnation.

"You" is a person who is caring, supporting and criticizing, and has the opportunity to improve self-compassion and self-empathy, and strengthen the stability of self.

The "he" person shows the degree of your understanding of the event, and thus has the ability to be objective and dialectical.

The help of the frame transfer method is that it can keep you away from yourself and anxiety at the same time, and the action of opening the distance can help you develop the ability of "metacognition". When you have the ability to see, you will. Be able to remind yourself to stop, and even more able to remind yourself to turn in a different direction.

Epilogue

After reading the book "18 Inner Reconciliation Lessons to Get Out of Relationship Anxiety ", I have a better understanding and understanding of "anxiety", and I also found that I am also a person who is very easy to be anxious. When I encounter problems, I often spin in my head. , when I can't think of a solution, I don't know how to ask for help from others, which leads to a situation where my body and mind are separated. Through the guidance in the book, I get substantial help.

This book is not a general inspirational book. The content in the book is more like the cause of the problem, as well as analysis and solutions with specific methods to guide you. It is recommended that when you buy this book, you can scan the QR code to listen to 10 emotional guidance Audio, to help you calm down and listen to your own voice, get release and answers.

Click me to blog to buy>

To listen to the author's recorded voice file, you need to scan it through the QR code APP:

▲I scanned with this APP.

If you are an ios user, you can turn on the built-in camera scan.

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Reading Notes | Inner reconciliation class to get rid of relationship anxiety, get rid of negative emotions and emotional blackmail.